Bill Chuck (Billy-Ball his own self)
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The only spin here is on a curveball
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Top of the 1st
REPENT YE SINNERS
I have something to talk to you about today. I am here to spread the word. To open the door to the light. To let you smell the smell of sizzling bacon. I am here to set you free from the shackles that bind you
This morning in the Boston Globe, Dan Shaughnessy writes about his angst about the continuing Barry B*nds saga and in particular about the fact that Mark McLiar is Hall of Fame eligible this year for the first time. All these tainted home run hitters all around. He is troubled what to do. Poor, poor Dan.
Dan, here’s what I suggest to you and I use his parable as a message to all of you out there. Forget the homer. The homer is what got us into trouble. The homer is heroin. We all got hooked. It was our god. Each day we look at the box score and check who hit homers.
As we watch games, we marvel at the blasts into the stands. Oooh, longer, deeper. It’s embarrassing just to read about them out of context. They sound x-rated.
Homers should be condemned for what they are – evil. Plain and simple, homers are the work of the devil. Osama Bin Laden probably loves homers. Saddam? Homer-lover. All religions preach against the sin of excess, what could be more excessive in baseball than a homer? Homers are sinful.
You know who probably loves homers? Bill Frist. Hillary too. Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Ted Kennedy? All homer happy extremists.
“Can’t stand listening to those announcers – they are such homers.” You know you’ve said it, but you didn’t hear your own words. The homer does that to you. It dulls your senses. You don’t hear the truth and you don’t see the light. It is not a coincidence that according to tradition, the ancient Greek poet Homer was blind.
Do you think it’s an accident that Matt Groening named the character that represents gluttony and stupidity “Homer” Simpson? Who better signifies the need for immediate and childish reinforcement?
Yes, my friends, the homer is like the hooker who tells you “Home is where the heart is.” Sure it is. It’s nothing more than quick fix. Sure its exciting, most cheap thrills are. Please stop yourself before you become a homersexual.
But you say to me, “Billy-Ball, all my friends are cheering for the homer.” Are you a leader or a follower? If all your friends were going to a Jennifer Lopez movie, would you go too? Don’t allow yourself to be trapped by temptation, because trapped you will be. Do not forget that the word “homer” comes from the Greek Hom