Bill Chuck (Billy-Ball his own self)
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The only spin here is on my screwball
Friday, June 22, 2007
Top of the 1st
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO MANAGE THE ORIOLES?
Now that Joe Girardi has turned down an offer to manage the Baltimore Orioles, the team’s top choice for the job, Billy-Ball’s been thinking of other candidates and their reactions.
* Bruce Willis – “I’ll make a movie of my experience; I’m ready to call it `Play Hard. Die Hard'”
* Ozzie Guillen – “If they can wait a few weeks, I’ll be available.”
* George W. Bush – “I’m a moron, I don’t want to be a Baltimoron. Heh-heh-heh-heh.
* Steve Carrell – “The team and my movie is for the birds.”
* Donald Trump – “I will buy them and then the Orioles name has to go. I will make the Baltimore Donalds the greatest team ever.”
* Robert Irsay – “Tell them to pack up the trucks, we’re leaving at midnight.”
* Angelina Jolie – “I won’t manage them, but I will adopt them.”
* Jill Albiani – “I’m a soccer mom, not a miracle worker.”
* Mitt Romney – “I’ve always been a fan of the Orioles. Even when I was a die-hard fan of the Red Sox, I was a fan of the Orioles.”
* Tom Cruise – “Would they consider converting to Scientology?”
* Jack Bauer – “I’ll do it for 24 hours.”
* John Kerry – “I accepted the job as manager before I turned it down.”
* Dr. Phil – “I would simply tell those players that you don’t need a porcupine to put some pep in your step.”
* Borat – “I love a baseball, do you love a baseballs?”
* Britney Spears – “Does it require underwear, ya’ll?”
* Jerry Seinfeld – “What’s the deal with Baltimore? Can you Balti-less? And who Baltis anymore anyway?”
* The Olsen Twins – “We would rather throw-up than manage the Orioles. Actually we would rather throw-up than do anything.”
* Billy Donovan – “I’ll do it. I quit.”
* Simon Cowell – “The team is simply atrocious.”
* Barry B*nds – “I’ll bring back Sammy and Raffy and we’ll go sharesies.”
I still say it will be Dusty Baker.
Top of the 2nd
ROCKIES HAVE YANKEES BEGGING FOR CLEMENSY
“I don’t want to see them again, how’s that?” manager Joe Torre said yesterday after the Rockies denied Roger Clemens his 350th win and completed a three-game sweep of the Yankees with a 4-3 victory. Coming into the series the Yankees had won 14 of 17, but Colorado is playing much better, a major league-best 20-7 since May 22 and an impressive 9-3 against the AL East.
Top of the 3rd
TIME OF THE SEASON
Good luck to the A’s who starting tonight hit the road to play three at Shea, four at the Jake and then back to New York for three at The Stadium
Top of the 4th
YOU CAN GO HOME AGAIN
Junior Griffey returns tonight to Seattle for the first time since he was traded to Reds prior to the start of the 2000 season.
Meanwhile King Felix Hernandez allowed six hits in eight innings and the Mariners beat the Pirates 3-0, shutting them out for the second straight game. Ichiro had two more hits for the Mariners to extend his hitting streak to 16 games, the longest current one in the majors. He has at least one hit in 41 of his last 43 games.
The Pirates were shut out for the eighth time this season and despite the fact that there are teams with worse records, this may be the worst team in baseball.
Top of the 5th
INJURY DU JOUR
Devil Rays pitching coach Jim Hickey hit himself in the head with a golf ball this week. Playing in Arizona on Tuesday, Hickey was trying to loft a wedge, but the ball hit the curb of a cart path, bounced back and struck him, causing an 11-stitch cut.
“This is kind of embarrassing,” Hickey told the St. Petersburg Times. “Twenty years of playing and I never broke a bone or got a stitch, but this happens on a golf course.”
Top of the 6th
STEROIDS DU JOUR
Jason Gi*mbi of the Yankees will apparently become the first active player to consent to speak with former United States Senator George Mitchell’s 15 months old investigation into the use of performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball.
Gi*mbi, the Yankees’ designated hitter, said that he would not discuss what other players might have done, but that he would be “candid about my past history regarding steroids.”
That should take awhile. The meeting will hopefully take place next week.
Top of the 7th
Chicago Cubs at Chicago White Sox, 4:05 pm
(R) Carlos Zambrano (7-6) vs. (L) Mark Buehrle (4-3)
Cleveland Indians at Washington Nationals, 7:05 pm
(R) Fausto Carmona (8-2) vs. (L) Micah Bowie (4-2)
Minnesota Twins at Florida Marlins, 7:05 pm
(R) Boof Bonser (5-3) vs. (L) Scott Olsen (5-6)
Colorado Rockies at Toronto Blue Jays, 7:07 pm
(R) Jason Hirsh (3-6) vs. (R) Josh Towers (2-5)
Los Angeles Dodgers at Tampa Bay Devil Rays, 7:10 pm
(R) Derek Lowe (7-6) vs. (R) Andrew Sonnanstine (1-1)
Oakland Athletics at New York Mets, 7:10 pm
(L) Lenny DiNardo (2-3) vs. (L) Tom Glavine (5-5)
Detroit Tigers at Atlanta Braves, 7:35 pm
(L) Kenny Rogers (0-0) vs. (R) John Smoltz (8-3)
Kansas City Royals at Milwaukee Brewers, 8:05 pm
(L) Jorge De La Rosa (4-8) vs. (R) Jeff Suppan (7-7)
Houston Astros at Texas Rangers, 8:35 pm
(R) Woody Williams (3-9) vs. (R) Kevin Millwood (3-6)
Baltimore Orioles at Arizona Diamondbacks, 9:40 pm
(R) Daniel Cabrera (5-8) vs. (R) Brandon Webb (7-4)
Cincinnati Reds at Seattle Mariners, 10:05 pm
(R) Aaron Harang (7-2) vs. (L) Ryan Feierabend (1-1)
Pittsburgh Pirates at LA Angels of Anaheim, 10:05 pm
(L) Zach Duke (3-6) vs. (L) Joe Saunders (3-0)
Boston Red Sox at San Diego Padres, 10:05 pm
(R) Daisuke Matsuzaka (8-5) vs. (R) Greg Maddux (6-3)
New York Yankees at San Francisco Giants, 10:15 pm
(L) Kei Igawa (2-1) vs. (R) Matt Cain (2-7)
Philadelphia Phillies at St. Louis Cardinals, 8:10 pm
(L) Jamie Moyer (6-5) vs. (R) Anthony Reyes (0-8)
Top of the 8th
DID YOU KNOW?
The last time the Yankees played a real game in San Francisco was October 16, 1962 – Ralph Terry was on the mound, Willie McCovey at the plate and his line drive to Bobby Richardson ended Game 7 of the World Series.
Top of the 9th
HAVE A FALCONS WEEKEND
To show my support for the Brookline Falcons (Jen’s soccer team) whenever I want to say “Great” I am going to say “Falcons.” I realize that this will dramatically affect my Tony the Tiger imitation, but such is the price we all have to pay.
The Brookline Falcons are finally in the Mass Tournament of Champions this weekend after winning the BAYS league championship in their third attempt in the finals. Seven of the girls (Jen, Katie, Katy, Greta, Melissa, Mary and Lydia) have been on the team since third grade (they all just graduated 8th grade). They have survived numerous practices, games, coaches and teammates and whatever happens this weekend in Amherst, MA, this is their finale. Win or lose, it will be great, I mean Falcons.
I wish you all a Falcons weekend and thank you for your Falcons on-going support and look forward to being in my seat in front of my keyboard bright and early Monday morning.
See you then.
Bottom of the 9th
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Have a Falcons day!
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Information provided in Billy-Ball has been gathered from A.P. reports, espn.com, sportsline.com, mlb.com and numerous other e-sources. Opinions expressed in Billy-Ball are obviously solely the opinions of the author of Billy-Ball and do not reflect those of source material no matter how off the wall they may be.