Oh-fer 2011- episode 1, “The Opening Series”

One series means nothing, but that doesn’t mean the Billy-Ball-Community can’t show a little love to those starting out on the wrong foot.

Here’s our first Oh-fer list of the season:

  1. Ian Desmond is the Nationals leadoff batter and against the Braves this weekend he went 0-13. The fact that Dan Uggla robbed him of one hit is small consolation.
  2. Alexis Rios has started out 0-12. But to his credit the White Sox outfielder has managed to draw two walks and score a run. On the other hand, he has whiffed five times and this was against the Indians.
  3. Brewers shortstop Yuniesky Betancourt has started the season 0-11 and yesterday he made an error that led to three unearned runs for the Reds.
  4. While we’re here, we should mention that the Brewers are now 0-3 after being swept by Cincinnati. Approximately 600 dogs were in the ballpark yesterday as part of an annual pet promotion by the Reds, and that wasn’t counting the Brewers pitchers who gave up 19 hits in a 12-3 loss. Cincinnati scored 20 runs over its final 17 very offensive innings to finish with a .350 team batting average for the series.
  5. Brad Hawpe of the Padres is off to a 0-10 start. The most interesting aspect of his start is that he has received one intentional walk.
  6. If strikeouts were hits, Red Sox catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia would be hitting .500. They are not and he is not. Salty is 0-10 with five whiffs.
  7. But we understand why Saltalamacchia doesn’t have time to focus on his hitting, he is simply too busy asking umps for a new ball as his Red Sox pitchers gave up 11 home runs to the Texas Rangers who swept the 0-3 Bostonians. Texas outscored the presumptive World Series favorites 26-11 in the series. Boston is 0-3 for the first time since 1996, a season that began 0-5 and finished 85-77. Red Sox starters allowed 18 earned runs in 15.1 innings and each allowed at least two homers. Sox shortstop Marco Scutaro is 0-8.
  8. While we are addressing the vaunted AL East, the Tampa Bay Rays are 0-3. For those of you young ‘uns (under four-years old) who think the Tampa team has always been good, guess again. For many, many, many years this was the worst team in baseball. And yet, this is their first time starting out 0-3.  The Baltimore Orioles came in to Tampa and outscored the defending Al East champions, 12-3.  The Rays were nothing but consistent in their three losses scoring one run on four hits in each game. Johnny Damon starts off 0-8 for his new team. More bad news for Tampa fans, Evan Longoria (0-5) is out for at least three weeks with the dreaded oblique.
  9. The Phillies’ first three starters Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee and Roy Oswalt combined to hold the Houston Astros to six runs and 14 hits in 19 innings. They struck out 24 and allowed just one (uno) walk. The Phils swept the Hapless Houstonians and the Astros are off to an 0-3 start.

I hope you are oh-fer-headaches today.