Nine to Know: My suggestions for the Yankees

So there’s Brian Cashman, leg in a cast, ear to his cell phone trying to rouse the dead to play first or third for the Yankees, at least for the first six weeks of the season.

Yesterday, Cash told reporters that he had already attempted to lure Derrek Lee and Chipper Jones out of retirement. He also tried bringing in Scott Rolen and Aubrey Huff. So far he has been unsuccessful on all fronts.

“Call Mike Schmidt, too.”  Derek Jeter laughingly commented about the 63-year old HOF third sacker.  “Call everybody. … I think Chipper is at home right now. Unless we have a golf team, I don’t think there’s a reason to call him up.”

So who should the Yankees call?

Well, they could start with calling me and I’d make these suggestions:

  1. Casey McGehee – filled in for the Yanks last season; maybe he can do better this season
  2. Carlos Lee – Just because Derrek said no, doesn’t mean that Carlos won’t and at 36 he’s old enough for the Yankees.
  3. Troy Glaus – he retired after the 2010 season at 33 which means he’s well rested.
  4. Shawn Green – He retired after the 2007 season at 34 and got himself into playing condition for team Israel for the WBC. He’s already loved in New York.
  5. Mike Lowell – He’s already recovered from his hip issues and remember, he started his career with the Yanks.
  6. Gary Sheffield – This former Yankee is an agent now and he could represent himself.
  7. Chris Pratt – He plays Andy Dwyer on NBC’s Parks & Rec and played first base as Scott Hatteberg in Moneyball. In addition to being funny, he’s married to Anna Faris, so they would be fun on roadtrips.
  8. Lance Armstrong – The Yanks could sign him and within hours he could be suspended and back on Oprah.
  9. Pope Benedict XVI – He’s out of work.  I know he’s old, but with him, at least the Yankees have a prayer of winning.